McCain thinks women are STUPID. Really.

A female manager is paid far less than all her male counterparts for YEARS, doesn't find out about it until she retires (not surprisingly) and the Supreme Court rules she can't sue because it's been more than 180 days since the most recent discrimination.  That is the letter of the law, so I *almost* don't blame them.  So congress realizes this is an injustice, tries to change the law to something more practical, and McCain opposes it!   Lilly Ledbetter case

Wow.  This is right up Mark Morford's alley.

Between this and Iraq, McCain's now officially off the list.  And I had been considering him because of his take on the foreclosure housing bailout.

Belmont homeowner in denial

I wish I could add comments to home listings to save folks the time of visiting properties that are insanely overpriced...  oh wait, I guess that would be ALL houses in the bay area.

Well here's an example   It's a 4/2 that sounds nice in the description, has a very large lot, very desireable. So why has this listing not sold in over 100 days despite several price cuts??? 

 I think the listing has had plenty of traffic, but once you discover you have to walk down a steep path to the house, look around the tiny main floor with low ceilings and itsy bitsy rooms, then eventually you still have to ASK the realtor how to get to the lower level.

That's when she'll tell you to go BACK OUTSIDE, and around the side of the building, and then into a bizarre basement in a strange configuration.  Now you'll decide this is more than a fixer.  This is a teardown.  The land value of the place is maybe $500k.  The garage is probably salvageable, and the deck too, so what should the asking price be???  Not more than $600k in today's market.  And that's before accounting for the price falls that are starting in the peninsula.  

Belmont has never commended the prices of Palo Alto or Burlingame, but the owners seem to think so.  They need to get real.

school paranoia

ok, my little cherubs aren't even out of diapers yet, but I'm already having a crisis of motherhood in terms of deciding what to do with regards to preschool.  It would appear that I've already doomed them to failure before they've even started because every decision we are about to make affects their choices from now til eternity.  How's that you say?

Well.  I want them to be successful in life, right?  Among MANY other things, that means helping get them into the "right' college for them.  Not knowing if my toddler is more predisposed to engineering, or basket weaving, I have to at least prepare them for the OPTION of the more competitive route... which means a high school with a track record of sending its grads to great schools.  Don't even get me started on the banality of rankings, what's competitive in this field vs. that, or how we're overparenting to extremes. I could go on forever, and you sure don't want me to do that.

Now private high schools are not ranked, and are fairly private with their data (at least the data I care about).  Next, california public high schools ARE ranked, but the results tell you more about the demographics of the students than about the ability of getting grads into their top choice schools...  hell, most of us would go to Harvard/Stanford/Cal if we could, right??  

So there is some research out there that suggests private school kids are more prepared for college than public, though I doubt they're really comparing apples to apples.  Ignoring that issue for a second, lets posit that I believe private high school is the answer. or at least the step.

How does one get into a great private high school with a good placement record?  Donate a billion bucks.  Since that option is out, get admitted for preschool, elementary, or junior high, depending on what grade that school starts.  Now I'm learning there are some feeder schools that place a high proportion of students in the competitive upper schools.  But how do I find out which ones have the best track record?  Who knows.  Not me.  They recommend you research and visit them all looking for the "right fit".  Puhlease!!!  If one more person tells me that, I'm going to stuff a college admissions guide down their throat.

Each of the schools accept the majority of their students at various cutoffs (usually pre-k, K, 6, or 8).  And the admissions process is 9 months long for all of them!  Visit in the fall, apply in the winter,  get admitted in the spring, enroll in the early fall.

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE GOING TO BE LIVING NEXT YEAR!! Never mind in a couple or 5 years.    We want to buy a house, possibly in a different town that we are in today, but housing went insane in the the bay area, as everyone knows, we are known as FENCE SITTERS and even BUBBLISTAS.  We sit on our high horse and profess to believe the prices will come down soon, and we aren't buying until it does. 

Prices have crashed all over the country, and especially in southern Cal and the central valley, and even somewhat in the East bay.  But the peninsula is holding strong.  Too much demand from silicon valley, high ranked public schools,  no more buildable land, and lots of realtors still pushing the "real estate is local" mantra and "prices never come down here" propaganda.

  I digress.  

But the problem remains.  We have to find and get into a feeder school now to secure at least one option for our children's future.  If only I new which town so I could really get started.  There are 700+ preschools in california, dozens in every town on the peninsula.  Information paralysis in the extreme. Damn you Greenspan.

Secret to a great marriage

Ok, this is one I believe in, but have a tough time following through on.  Who has time?

All the research points back to 2 basics.   1) Respect   2) Sex

Your spouse wants to be treated like a god or goddess.  Their opinions, decisions, style, body, you name it.  Remember when you were dating and interesting in everything they said, and ready to jump in the sack every 20 minutes for it?  That's why they married you, and now, the lack thereof is why they're irritated with you (and me).   

You can treat someone like a god or goddess and respectfully disagree with them, or ask them to do things not quite so glamorous.  It takes tact and skill (for which I sorely lack).  But, in theory, that's what it takes.

Why do you think all those porn sites are so successful? Think it's all singles on those sites?  Not with membership numbers I've seen.

Have no time or energy with little kids running around, and a job too?  Everyone needs physical touch and affection to feel secure and sane, not just your baby.  It's that physical intimacy that reconnects you with your spouse and allows both of you to forget the piles of work sitting downstairs.  When you get back to it, you'll be better able to focus and prioritize, and complete it faster than before.  

Secret to raising kids

Ok, this is going to be the first of MANY posts on this topic, as it's my life's pursuit.

But I'll start with the big one.

Stay married, or get married.

I read an anonymous question the other day from a women debating divorcing her husband because she wasn't in love anymore.  My initial reaction was ARE YOU DAFT????  HAVE YOU READ THE NEWS AND RESEARCH OVER THE LAST FEW DECADES????  DO YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS????

Kid's of divorced parents are more likely to:

1) do poorly in school, and then economically

2) think they caused their parents divorce for their entire lives

3) suffer from depression, low self-esteem

4) struggle with relationships throughout adulthood

5) get divorced themselves

Not to mention divorce is ugly.  No matter how congenial you think it might be, the reality will be 10x as painful and as expensive.  I've read countless accounts and studies, all pretty bad for kids, and pretty bad for the couple too.  Before taking that step, you should too. Educate yourself.  Educate yourself more.  And more. Then go have a glass of wine with your spouse.

There are legitimate reasons for getting divorced.  Abuse and a few others.

You made your bed. You had sex in it.  You had children.  You owe it to your children to give them the best possible environment to grow up in, and the starting place for that is having 2 parents.

Secret to saving lives

Here's a no-brainer.  

Vote.

Vote for candidates that are expressly against pretty much all war.  

If you're reading this blog, I'm guessing you're against the Iraq war.  Frankly, if you are breathing, you're probably against the Iraq war. Maybe you were unsure in the beginning, but now its clear that war wasn't the answer here. The reality is that it's almost never the answer.  It doesn't work.  War is NOT the Answer

If you support candidates that tend towards war, you are supporting the murder of people from our country and others. Those people are someone's child, someone's sibling, and in many cases, someone's Mommy or Daddy.  The people killed by your vote will include soldiers and definitely some civilians.  You will be voting for children to be killed, and animals too.  That is the reality of war.

If there is a genocide, should America try to stop it?  Yes.  That's pretty much the other purpose that matters.  Was there a genocide in Iraq?  Iran?  Nope.  Thanks for all the murder folks.  Please donate to the orphanages you forced into creation.

Secret to hiring and retaining employees

Give your employees a HUGE amount of flexibility!  In the hours they work, in how they approach the job, in any area realistic (and even some that don't seem so at first blush). Studies show that there are really 3 reasons people chose a job, and keep a job:  Fit with their DESIRED lifestyle, relationship with their boss, and compensation (probably in that order).

1)  Flexibility matters more than any other factor to parents, and mothers in particular.  Who's taking those kids to the doctor, school, or dealing with parenting issues? You want committed employees?  Let them take care of their family without guilt, and they will reward you 10 fold. Most companies have pretty poor sick leave or flex time policies that are, frankly, discriminatory to women who perform the lion's share of child-rearing. Why do women earn less than 80 cents on the dollar for equal work?  Discrimination for taking care of family business.  It's the companies that really loose out though in the costs of employee turnover, endless recruiting and retraining, and so on.  Why is Europe trampling the US lately in competitiveness?  Family friendly policies, long term committed employees, fewer costs in the long run.

2) Relationship with your employees.  Trust me, if people don't like or respect the powers that be, they're not going to give their best. Managers that are empowering and POSITIVE to work for, are especially hard to resign from.  Have a lot of employee's resign under your tenure?  It's the way you treat them. Give them meaningful work, lots of respect, support, and flexibility, and spend your time improving your business, not continually recruiting new staff.

3) Money.  It matters a whole bunch in hiring, but not as much after that IF you're a good manager.  That's why we have millions in the US working for peanuts in teaching and a plethora of other careers.  They could certainly make more money, but intrinsic motivation and respect pays out more in the long run.

Find yourself wondering why this matters in Saving the World?  It's all about parenting to me. Most parents have to work to put food on the table.  In the hierarchy of needs, if you can enable them to be happier while doing it, they can focus on raising their kids, give a little free time to important causes, and not waste time in the endless pursuit of more money and things.